Empleados boricuas

Acabo de llegar de una presentación en una farmacéutica local y me topé con este memo que demuestra una vez más que los americanos no pueden entendernos porque no están tan avanzados como nosotros. No pueden tener una simple conversación boricua porque se ofenden, que changuería. Léanlo y me darán la razón.


Memo to all Puerto Rican Employees

Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our Spanish-speaking, particularly Puerto Rican, employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior, in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional, offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated. Therefore, we have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect them to be applied.

It is expected that ALL employees immediately adhere to these rules:

1. Words like coño, carajo, and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.

2. Non important matters should not be addressed to as pendejadas .

3. You will not say la cagó when someone makes a mistake, or se cagó en su madre if you see someone being reprimanded. All forms and derivatives of the word cagar are inappropriate in our environment.

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta de cojones or
mariconerías, nor will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as pendejo, mamao or come mierda.

5. Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to as hijo de puta, ese cabrón, or ese maricón .
6. When a good proposal is presented, the term esto está de pinga must not be used.

7. Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as pajas mentales .

8. Do not say como jode if a person is persistent, or se jodió if somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say que jodienda, or esto está del coño su madre! when matters become complicated in your line of work.

9. When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say vete pa'l carajo, nor will you substitute ¿Qué carajo quieres? for 'may I help you?'.

10. When leaving the office, using the term me voy pa'l carajo is not proper .

11. When any office equipment fails; it must be reported as 'it broke down', not se descojonó, or se jodio la mierda ésta.

12. Last but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say me voy a limpiar el culo con esto. Just keep it clean and file properly.


Thank you for your cooperation.